I can’t believe how difficult it is for me to keep up a blog.  And not necessarily because I haven’t taken the time.  Because I’m so afraid of what people will think.  I have a gigantic newfound respect for those who write a lot on the internet now.  There are so many fears – will I say something political that will get me in trouble with my friends, family or work? Or even the law?  Its a whole new world.

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Oh man.  Does anyone like job searching?  I take that back.  When I’m first back in the game, filled with energy and have submitted five applications in two days I feel pretty excited.  Then the dregs set in.  This one looked good but the hours are really awkward.  I would enjoy this one but it pays like shit.  I can’t see this one going anywhere and this one I would love but I don’t qualify because I didn’t finish my bachelor’s degree.  The “new high school diploma” is a whole other issue that I want to talk about later.  However I look at it, it sucks.  Even more so because it’s so difficult for me to feel motivated when I’m not around others.  It’s the reason I made sure all my classes in college were classroom-based rather than online distance based – I just need people around me to get motivated.  Even if I don’t want to ALWAYS be conversing with others I need that social aspect to feel involved.  Sometimes its a good things but sometimes its really miserable -like when I’m home alone in the apartment, trying to tear myself away from the bed, Spotify, Facebook, the kitchen, Netflix or plucking my eyebrows (yep – a stellar distraction choosing for me) to continue my online search.  Its becoming especially difficult because I am trying to find something at the university so that I can start finishing my degree for free – a daunting prospect considering I first have to get the job and then take ONE class a semester – I need about 20 credits.  Oh my god, how am I going to do this?

Who likes work?  Does anyone?  I mean really, truly like it.  Most of the time.  I can think of one person I’ve spoken to who loves their job.  It’s possible that I don’t have a large spectrum of people I talk to about this, but I think it might just be that in general people don’t like their jobs.  This is probably old hat for most of you, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about more lately after changing careers.  Is it very possible to do something as a “career” that you like doing on the side and actually be glad you did?

The psychology of the internet is one of the most interesting things I’ve experienced in the past few years.  Who ever thought we would see the pictures of someone we haven’t seen in person for ten years, hear in real-time from people in an uprising or have the ability to threaten someone anonymously?  A blessing and a curse, most of us can agree our online interactions have expanded and narrowed our horizons in ways unexpected.  I often wonder what things would be like if internet hadn’t progressed the way it has in the last fifteen years.  Would we be stuck in a dark age, or would we have developed other ways for broader communication and global sharing?  It’s an amazing world of constant change and shimmering new trends.

I’ve been meaning to start a blog for years.  My assumption is that many people begin their first blog post this way, but that doesn’t make it any more true.  I think many of us find it difficult to put ourselves out there behind an actual name – not just a username on Reddit we can comment on anything from (I do love Reddit though) anonymously.  I just finished reading a book called “The Art of Asking” by Amanda Palmer – lead singer of the Dresden Dolls and many other creative exploits.  She worked as a street performer for years and I was struck by her willingness to put herself in the way of possible embarrassment, shame (which did happen) and sadness.  What she also experienced however, and what kept her going, was love, acceptance and understanding.  That’s what I am hoping for with this blog – to be heard, to be “seen” as Amanda puts it.  Thanks for listening so far.

-Anna